Emotional intimacy is the profound feeling of closeness and connection with someone you feel trusting and trusted toward. In a relationship, that is beyond friendship, emotional intimacy means feeling seen and heard and therefore feeling that you can truly be your self around this human being. Emotional Intimacy cannot be faked because in our gut we are programed and know when we feel safe with someone; there is lots of data being calculated in the back of our brain at a very fast speed, and we don’t even realize much of it as it is taking place. However, the intentional aspect, is the part that is about consciously making the effort to have faith rather than operate from fear. The process of emotional intimacy is a gradual one which leads to partners being able to be vulnerable and empathetic toward one another and to trust that their partner wants has the best of intentions and ultimately has their back.
What are some signs of emotional intimacy?
- Feeling safe with the person physically and emotionally, and being able to share about your self and your hurts.
- Feeling physically turned to for affection in good as well as bad times.
- Feeling that you have an understanding of your partner at a level beyond others you know: really knowing who they are and what their thoughts and desires are.
- Being able to play and be free around your partner and not being afraid that they will bring you down when you are up or they will desert you when you are down.
- Making the effort to being open to communication and honest feedback and maintaining curiosity and active listening.
When people think about developing emotional intimacy with their partner, they often don’t know where to start. Most believe that emotional intimacy is something they receive from their partner while they themselves struggle with giving it. Emotional Intimacy is a growing process that is nurtured through experiencing life together everyday. Although it is intentional, and sometimes methodical, it is not forceful, nor balanced. In other words, both partners don’t arrive at it at the same time all the time. It requires patience, dedication and most of all consistency. Building an emotional map in a relationship build emotional intimacy in that both partners are making the effort to learn about each other’s fears, triggers, past pains, and values. Therefore, the map is a building of meaningful memories and working together through sometimes highly emotional situations and sometimes through simple everyday discussions that are insightful and show that you are trying to get to know the partner. It does require vulnerability from both sides and the more you reveal about yourself show the willingness to learn about your partner’s inner thoughts and feelings, the more you invite them to do the same.
So, what kind of questions can you ask to emotionally deepen your relationship (to help you understand one another’s values, point of views, struggles, and hopes for the future)?:
- When have you felt most proud of our relationship?
- What are 5 memories that define the person you are?
- When have you felt the most authentic and comfortable in our relationship?
- What did your parents teach you about romantic relationships? Things you want to do vs. don’t want to do
- What have your past relationships taught you about yourself?
- What are the biggest ways you think you’ve changed over the past few years?
- When did you last cry? What were you crying about?
- What would a perfect day together look like for you?
- What is a way we have grown together in our relationship? What is a way we have grown as individuals?
- When you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, what can I do to help?
- What are three values that we share, what are three that we differ on?
- What does a balanced relationship look like to you?
- What is the best gift I’ve given you? Physical emotional support etc
- When have you felt the most deeply connected in our relationship?
- How can you tell when I need your support or that I’m struggling? Can you tell?
- What would your younger self think of our relationship?
- What does vulnerability mean to you?
- What are the next steps you envisioned in our relationship? How can we support one another to get there?
- Curiosity and relationships are important because people are constantly changing and there’s always more to learn about your partner.
Taking time to develop the emotional component of your relationship can create habits that remind you to do things together as a couple to help you keep the romance alive, regardless of how long you’ve been together. Emotional interchanges, among everything else, create the authentic home needed for everything else to thrive in your relationship, including your social and sex lives. Taking the time and putting in the effort to make sure the intimate parts of your relationship journey are cared for is essential to both your relationship and your own growth as a whole.
Phone: (321) 758-5161